Awards, schmards. I’m not into them.

But what I am into is weird questions I wouldn’t normally be asked on a Tuesday.  So thank you to the lovely and talented Matthew Estes for nominating me for the Normal Happenings Super Specific Sunshine Award. To win, I’m supposed answer the questions below. I don’t really care about the winning thing, but the questions are so delightfully wacky that I must answer them.

Without further ado…

Ten Super Specific Questions

A new island chain suddenly forms in the south Pacific. Scientists, in the spirit of serendipity, need a name for the archipelago, so they run outside and grab the first person they see walking by. That person is you. What do you name the islands?

Islandy McIslandface.

Find any grocery list you’ve ever written – on a post-in note, on your phone, in the trash can. What is the third item on that list?

Chicken

Go to any mirror – doesn’t matter if there’s people around – and look at the bottom of your tongue. What is your immediate emotional reaction?

Why am I doing this?

Let’s say you could suddenly make all the cable news stations cover animals with the same intensity they covered politics – all animals all the time! Which animal would you want them to focus exclusively on?

Dogs.

What is a random 11-letter word? I’ve already said mine – archipelago.

Pyrolyzable. Uh huh. That’s right. Somebody high-five me.

I’m still not particularly happy with my computer wallpaper. What should I change it to?

*walks away for a glass of water*

If you could only eat breakfast foods for lunch and lunch foods for breakfast, what would be your go-to breakfast? Your go-to lunch?

Avocado Toast.

A bedbug bite forces you to have one of these the useless superpowers.
Which of the following useless superpowers would choose and why?
– The ability to make only office supplies levitate.
– The ability to be invisible – but only inside a volcano.
– The ability to, at will, swap any picture on a billboard to a pumpkin.

That’s a tough one. *grabs a floating pencil and scratches ear* I’m going with the pumpkin thing. Because it’s strange and useless.

Do you hate your initials? If you could have any initials, what would they be and why?

No.  Any initials? LOL. Who wouldn’t?

What is the most recent gum you chewed? Extrapolate a short story of five sentences or less with that gum as a central plot mechanic.

Orbit.

_______________________________ *** ________________________________

“STOP SNAPPING THE gum.” Tiny glared down at his partner. Not that it mattered. It was so dark he couldn’t even see a hand in front of his face. “You want to get us caught?”

“I ain’t getting nobody caught.” Snap. “It’s cool.”

“It’s not cool – ”

Snap. “Sure, it is.”

The closet door opened up. The cop didn’t even bother to hide his smirk. “Alright, boys. Come on out.”

FIN

*throws down microphone, marches off stage*

P.S. Hey, guess what? I got a nice job! badge!! Cupcakes for everyone!