Every now and then I read a book, and I’m like, no, no, no. You missed it, author.
It may seem like a criticism, but it’s actually a compliment. It only happens for those books I like enough to get really into the story.
Today’s no, no no belongs to Holly Black’s The Cruel Prince.
*spoiler alert* Read no further if you hate spoilers.
In The Cruel Prince, POV character Jude gets betrayed by her twin sister, Taryn, over a man (of course). They end up throwing down over it, because Jude’s a bad ass, and because Taryn’s a complicit bitch who thinks that Jude should be, all, sure, it’s cool that you betrayed me with my would-be boyfriend.
Meanwhile, the Locke (the boyfriend) is a dick. That should go without saying.
So here’s where I think Holly dropped the ball. It’s during the final coronation scene.
Oh, and Jude killed a guy named Valerian several chapters back, so there’s that.
Anyhoo…
“Jude,” Locke says, touching my arm, starting me. His fox eyes crinkle in amusement. “I admit I’m jealous to see Carden parading you around on his arm.”
I take a step back. “I don’t have time for this.”
“I liked you, you know,” he says. “I like you still.”
For a moment, I wonder what would happen if I hauled off and punched him.
“Go away, Locke,” I tell him.
His smile returns. “The thing I like best is how you never do what I imagine you will. For instance, I didn’t think you’d duel over me.”
“I didn’t.” I pull away from him and head to the table, a little unsteady on my feet.
– The Cruel Prince, p. 356 – 357.
Okay, so I thought Holly baled a little on the character here. Jude’s a bloodthirsty thing, and having her ex taunt her after she’s done some serious ass kicking deserves a stronger retort than sniveling I didn’t and running back to her table. Here’s my small change.
_____ * _____ * _____ * _____ * _____
“Jude,” Locke says, touching my arm, starting me. His fox eyes crinkle in amusement. “I admit I’m jealous to see Carden parading you around on his arm.”
I take a step back. “I don’t have time for this.”
“I liked you, you know,” he says. “I like you still.”
For a moment, I wonder what would happen if I hauled off and punched him.
“Go away, Locke,” I tell him.
His smile returns. “The thing I like best is how you never do what I imagine you will. For instance, I didn’t think you’d duel over me.”
The duel. Of course, he knew about the duel. A dull rage seeps into my heart and bolsters me, giving me the strength I need. “Oh, that. Yes. It’s sad when sisters fight.” I smile up at him and pat his chest. “Hey, you want to know a secret?”
“A secret?” His smile grows larger. “Do tell.”
“Valerian broke into my room and tried to kill me. So I killed him back.”
Surprise lights up his eyes. He starts to speak, but I talk over him. “I bet you never expected me to do that, either. But that’s not the secret. Here’s the secret.” I stand on my tip toes and whisper in his ear, “The secret is, before he died, he cursed me. He said he wished my hands to always be stained with blood and that everything I touched would die.” His smile falters as I land a peck on his cheek. “Have a great time tonight.” I wave at Taryn, who’s looking at me like she’d like to stab me. “Best get back to your betrothed.”
I head back to my table, a smile on my face. It feels good to smile.
_____ * _____ * _____ * _____ * _____
There. Fixed it. š
By the way, The Cruel Prince is great. Read it, if you haven’t already.
Liz Charnes 
I completely understand the need for a bit of fanfic. I haven’t read this book but love your take on it :).
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It’s so funny how a story can grab you! After I wrote the post, I went back and re-read the scene in question. I see why she wrote it the way she did, but I still think she held back. My sense is that she held back because she was worried about people liking the character.
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What a good idea! That makes a lot of sense. Nicely done :).
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