I’ve been working on my resolutions, and this year I’m focusing on prioritization. Right now, I am prioritizing this post. In a minute, I will prioritize a cookie.
Soon, I will prioritize my new favorite obsession: YouTube’s Most Amazing Top Ten Channel. I’m obsessed, I tell you. Obsessed.
The MOST AMAZING TOP TEN CHANNEL is, like, these random kids who list the top ten spooky stuff. It’s live action link bait that wraps its Google Ads tentacles around my cerebrum and won’t let go. ALL IT TAKES IS ONE VIDEO. JUST ONE. Then the next thing I know, HOURS HAVE PASSED. I’ll be melded to the couch, covered in bits of popcorn and shame as I watch some Gen Z dude telling me about how the Annabelle doll ate some kid’s face.
I want to get up. I do. I know I should. Instead, I lie there and watch another AMAZING TOP TEN VIDEO about THE TOP TEN SCARY PARALLEL DIMENSIONS. Maybe I’m in a parallel dimension? Maybe there’s a parallel dimension where a Liz Charnes is actually working on improving her writing and not watching some Gen Z dude freaking out at some Tik Tok bullshit?
It occurs to me that maybe I can find a wormhole to that parallel dimension and steal that Liz Charnes’s manuscript? Maybe she has an agent, too? Maybe I’ll force her back to this side, and I’ll stay there and take over her life, and she can stay here, on the couch, watching AMAZING TOP TEN VIDEOS. Then it occurs to me, but wouldn’t she just be me? What if it’s all just a loop, over and over, with the only result lying on the couch and watching AMAZING TOP TEN VIDEOS? What if that was all it was ever meant to be:
The Couch. The Popcorn. The Amazing Top Ten Videos.
Do you wanna watch? You know you do. Grab yourself a bag of Boom Chick Pop with Himalayan Salt and something to wash it down with… and settle in. Take my advice. Don’t fight it. Here’s a few to get you started.
LIZ’S FAVORITE MOST AMAZING TOP TEN VIDEOS
Number 10: Top 10 Scary Friend Requests – Stalkers suck.
Number 9: Top Ten Gateways to Hell You Should Never Visit. You don’t have to tell me twice.
Number 8: Ten Scariest Things that Happened in Starbucks. People are gross.
Number 7: Top 10 Scary Phobias. I now know I have trypophobia. Thank you, Amazing Top 10. Thank you.
Number 6: Top 10 Scary Plants that Actually Exist. That’s a plant. I know. I KNOW.
Number 5: Top Ten Scary Cthulhu Facts. I don’t even know. I don’t. Even. Know.
Number 4: Top Ten Scary Mexican Urban Legends Part 2. It’s the one with dolls. On that island. I need more popcorn.
Number 3: Top Ten Scary Ghost Ship Stories. I do not like boats.
Number 2: Top Ten Scary Parallel Universe Stories. This explains certain events in my life.
Number 1: Top Ten Terrifying Things Said by Astronauts in Space. SPACE SNAKES.
Check out Amazing Top Ten Channel for yourself. Good luck.
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